More Stairway to Stardom.
This show continues to amaze! The parade of no talent seems endless!
Quite possibly... no, DEFINITELY the world's worst puppet show.
Never mind that you can see her head. Never mind that her characters are borderline retarded and keep switching accents. Im concerned with the fungibility of the crocodiles eyes. They look a lot like cherry tomatoes. Is it fair to allow a child to get all emotionally involved with a puppet who will have rotten smelly eyes? Or, is madame puppet master just going to change the eyes all the time to prevent spoilage? Im an optimist, and even I don't think she has that sort of dedication. Judging by the time and effort she put into writing this piece of trash, my guess is that crocodile went to permanently hide in a landfill 1-2-3-4 seconds after she got off stage.
Maybe he found new eyes in the garbage.
The Hal Green Trio BUTCHER some song.
Im not sure if this is a real song, or a song created especially for the show. I like to think it was created just for me. It makes up for the fact that they all fell asleep during their performance.
The Uncomfortable Vocal Stylings of this girl
Louise Masca: Let Me Entertain You.
Gross. Gross gross. Even the tape was like, NUH UH at :38. That being said, I remember this song was in my learn to play piano book. Its a rather sexualized song for a piano book. Not like Greensleves. Now THATS a song for a piano book.
That song has all the raw sexuality of toilet paper.
Oh GOD! I found her an equally disturbing MALE child singer.
Keep those two away from one another! They are a duo just WAITING to happen. Kismet! They'll do such oversexed duets as "secret lovers" and "baby come to me". And i'll probably be dead from excitement.
And we'll close out this mess with some choreographed dance numbers.
Yes, you read that correctly: this routine was CHOREOGRAPHED. When? Dunno, but from the looks of it about ten seconds before she went on. Which would mean that her mom choreographed that crap back stage while fixing the loose sequins plotting escape from that awful outfit. Or, maybe "writhe and breathe" is her mom's idea of choreography.
Bodysuit girl does "thriller"
Aside from a few winces at the beginning, this vid isnt half bad. We'll its bad, but in comparison, its not that bad.
So then WHY am i posting it?
Because she's a RIP OFF. Creepy bodysuit dances have been SO DONE. And by Bob Fosse.
Shame on you bodysuit girl. SHAME ON YOU. Even your ill fitting underwear doesn't out creep THIS dance number.
Bye Bye Life: from All That Jazz featuring dancing bodysuit girls
I've been waiting for an opportune time to post this and LO! I found it! Im not a huge fan of this flick, but as a child, this scene kind of bothered me. Not the whole "imminent death with no love to show for it" part. The bodysuits. All those veins. Eugh.
Watching it now, it makes me feel sad for Ben Vereen.
Bye bye your career goodbye!
Friday, May 30, 2008
More Stairway to Stardom.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Even in the animal kingdom they are all ESPECIALLY ANNOYING.
Take this one.
He fights with his/her brothers/sisters. He goes to the worst part of the tank and stays there for hours swatting at everyone that even comes near him (except me, he loves me). He bites the heads off his food and then doesnt eat the rest of them. He likes to come out, and when he gets a chance to, he REFUSES to return to his tank, making sure i have to spend a good fifteen minutes with my hand in his house trying to shove him on a tree. Only to have him climb up my hand again, sit down and proceed to scratch himself in my palm of my hand. Or go on the afghan and get yarn all over him. Or just plain refuse to move when he decides he feels like sitting outside for a while and watching me fret about getting him back in his tank alive.
He's quickly becoming my favorite!
Apparently someone re-mixed songs from Fantastic Planet?
Really? REALLY?? I need to sit down for a second, Im getting kind of dizzy.
I saw this movie when I was very very young, and after watching it again tonight its as CREEPY and wonderful as I remember it to be. The music is a big plus too.
Fantastic Planet: 1st half of it, anyway. 2nd half later. Its long.
Any movie that refs sisyphus in the first three minutes is tops in my book by DEFAULT.
Now INTERMISSION (read: sleep)
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
This may be the greatest 2:48 in film. Free soup with purchase of hat.
I normally would write a bunch, but really. Do I need to?
Bonus Non Sequitur movie trailer b/c I dont want to listen to music post!
"I was born a poor black child..."
Ok back to work.
This show reminds me of the Winchester House. You know, that house that was so haunted the owner built all these staircases and doors that went nowhere?
Hairdresser. A song where a woman who looks like Hillary Clinton "sings" a sophmoric "song" about the positive affect a good haircut can have on your life. And then sings a song that is COMPLETELY unrelated in the middle of it.
I dont even KNOW where to start, but i guess "Cut my hair it wont behave....set it up with gel and wave; 2 ringlets...keep the top a little wet" is as good a place as any, huh? SO GOOD. Of course she's antsy in that chair! She's got places to go and people to see! And planets to fly to and government secrets to pass onto the ants that live in the empty soda bottles in her house.
You know, more people need to write songs about good haircuts. Just not her. Don't mess with perfection.
Gloria Huddle: Hello Operator
Operator? Information? Can i have the number for the nearest mental hospital?
She begins to sing around :50 in. Not that talking to herself in an English accent isn't entertaining, but she goes completely certifiable in the song. Even the people in the background are stunned.
This show is quickly becoming my favorite thing ever. Its so low rent. Its so awful. In fact, its so terrible it arcs past awful and somehow makes it back to good. Like a circle. Like the circle of life. Good and bad. Gothic beauty. Etc etc.
Um yea whatever, its completely stupid. Glory-ah has a serious case of weird eye and its giving me the CREEPS.
Did I just hear something? Why are my windows rattling? Operator? Information?
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Daytona 500: Ghostface...Ghostface
Actually fuck that, the AWESOME. I remember seeing this when i was younger and thinking it was one of the greatest videos. Its still really good.
In fact, its my third favorite animation video. 1st: Angie Baby. 2nd: Outlander's Vamp: crap song GREAT video
Someone from UM's version of Oochie Coochie by Mc Brains.
A terrible song made worse. Thats kind of impressive actually. This video sort of encapsulates everything that was incorrect in the 90s. Which was everything.
Diamond D mentions Staten Island but is still um, not, um...aesthetically appealing.
I love DD. But like as a friend. In fact, if i could create a hip hop superman, there would be some DD up in there. A bunch actually. Not in the face department, but there nonetheless.
Oh and PS. Since when is a pair of Kenneth Coles an example of extravagant spending?
If thats Sally's idea of high fashion/nifty gifties, then you need to stop complaining, D.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Kudos to you if you know what the title refers to.
Even more kudos to me b/c I FINALLY uploaded some songs to that website.
The good news is they are new songs.
The bad news is they are late night songs and there's def leppard on there.
Which in my world is fantastic news.
lightness & weight
Sorry, my "girl" is showing on a few of these but oh well. Actually its showing on ALL of these. And they are in no real order b/c im tired and who cares. But feel the love anyway.
Sergio Mendes & 66: Witchita Lineman
CSN: just a song before i go
Ace: how long
Def Leppard: bringin' on the heartbreak
Van Halen: little dreamer
The Byrds: draft morning
Love: alone again or
The Kinks: days
Manfred Mann: up the junction
Nick Drake: at the chime of a city clock
Dusty Springfield: make it with you
Mandre: Solar Flight
Sorry for the nick drake song. It will be ok. I promise.
Friday, May 23, 2008
What a parade of terrible!
NYC Public access terrible.
Attack of the Crackhead! BJ Messenger
He's not fooling me. I know its Melle Mel.
"Dante"'s "Song" called Exodus
Shes crying! Precious Taft. OUT OF CONTROL.
What the hell is this?
I need to lay down.
I have a friend named Keith who is a wonderful human being.
Not just because he woke me up when i fell asleep on the floor during a skatalites concert, and once at 4 in the morning and gave me a TV he found on the street.
Not just because he knows about Rocket Girl.
Not just because he remembers Me and Stevie.
Because he ALWAYS has everything when it comes to music. The man has it all. And knows it all. He's a genre crossing bad boy with a mind like a goddamn library. And was nice enough to give me BOTH copies of the Kinks' Days (Live and Studio).
Keith, you are my hero. And i dedicate this post to you and us and our disgustingly long and professionally unproductive friendship.
Keith drove 3 and a half hours to get the 12" of this song. This bro was ALMOST my cousin in law. Freeeeky.
Keith was with me when I saw Death Race 2000. Neither of us were ever the same again.
Because our Weekly usually ended at 4 am on the Gowanus BLASTING this crappy song.
Because Keith knows why Im posting this song.
Here's to you Keef. And Eileen. B/c you two are most excellent.
I have the touch!
I have the power!
To upload songs and have the website delete them all!
As this is the start of Labor Day and I have a hangover, I assume today will be even MORE unproductive, which means I will upload something or other. Its Friday. Im feeling generous.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
In an ongoing effort to be as unproductive as I can, I took the time and effort to upload some songs onto a website that I am kind of unimpressed with, and that is at present, not working.
As always, if you should want, you should ask.
the Chowards Candy is the most disgusting shit ever mp3 bunch
1. invisible man's band: all night thing
2. bob & earl: harlem shuffle
3. jimmy bo horne: spank
4. Chicken Lips: Some long title that i cant remember but this song samples "just the right size" by the Salsoul Orchestra
5. Secret Bob/Lobster Disques: Last Train to Oslo
6. manzel: space funk
7. man friday: love honey love heartache
8. asha putli: lies
9. the monkees: for pete's sake
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Candy Pants. A song called Candy Pants. Its so terrible. So SO terrible.
Id even give you a chance...to take off your pants... id eat the seat. Oh GOD it just gets WORSE when he stars to talk about her being a honey-dripper. Really.
Thank god he's a minister of sobriety, because for a second, I thought maybe he was a crackhead and this was just a drug mess. So its actually a sober mess, which makes it way more entertaining.
Oh and do they have to run to his house with a mattress on their backs b/c he doesn't have one?
PS. I found this gem while looking for a commercial for "Skidz". It occurred to me that instead, I found a skidmark.
Oh and here is Will Shatner "singing" How To Handle A Woman.
Its simple: just ask to get into her candy pants.
Ill be honest. Ive got almost NO prog rock chops. I always assumed my sincere lack of interest was b/c im completely superficial- boys who liked prog rock bands weren't cute, and if they were, they werent cute enough for me to feign interest in their boring mathbands. To me, prog rock will always evoke images of Rush, split ends and light blue stone washed jeans. Not a cute look. Even when the better looking kids decided that it was "the thing to be into" I STILL didnt like it. Besides, prog rock has like zero balls. The outfits are ugly, there is NO sex appeal to any of the songs- honestly, Id rather listen to a hearing test for an hour.
Perhaps I just "dont get it".
And its not for lack of trying. Ive listened to King Crimson, own records by the Incredible String Band, and am fully familiar with that shit band Kraan. I've EVEN suffered through a Bill Bruford concert where he teased me from the stage (in good humor, nice man). One band though, I remained blissfully ignorant of. The Edgar Winter Group.
Why? Because I was afraid I may actually have to "eat it" so to speak- in other words, I was afraid i might like them. Like what happened with that band Ride. It doesnt take much for me to admit im incorrect, but accepting certain things (like an affinity for prog rock) are so internally disruptive you just have to take your time exploring it, and guard against the upheaval. Besides, they have a pretty vast collection of music. Odds are, Id like SOMETHING. Even just a little.
The good news is I was, THOROUGHLY disappointed in their music. Sloppy mess. Almost encompasses everything I dislike about prog rock, except his hair is straight and seems healthy. HOWEVER. The Group itself? HOT MESS.
Here's some EWG interestingness:
1. Dan Hartman was in that band. As in "instant replay".
2. Edgar worked on David Lee Roth's "Crazy From the Heat".
3 Edgar winter made a disco record.
4. In 2006, Winter joined Hamish Stuart, Rod Argent, Richard Marx, Billy Squier, and Sheila E touring with Ringo Starr & His All Starr Band. (WOW IS THAT HORRIBLE and id PAY to see it)
5. Edgar Winter is a hXc scientologist. (read: idiot)
6. That record cover that is so freaky is actually what he looks like. Which i find interesting.
7. He continues to thrill audiences with his live performances, always remaining on the cutting edge of music and style. Edgar is now at the very top of his game, and his future looks even brighter than his past. (his words, NOT MINE)
8. Frankenstein is probably one of the worst songs I ever heard and as usual most people disagree with my assessment.(My words)
I dunno, he seems to me like the Poor Man's Alice Cooper.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Some old skateboarding parts w/ hot boys and great music.
Oh someone will be very VERY proud in my house.
I dont think this is the music from the actual vid b/c (1) that vid has crap music in it, (2) Natas ALWAYS skated to AWFUL music.
Hot Huff & Heart (from another video i forgot how much i dug)
Saturday, May 17, 2008
In these end times of floods, cyclones, famine, genocide, Republicans, Likudians etc, its very easy for one to get mired in the grand sadness of it all. And while those tragedies deserve the majority of our attention (and money), I'd be remiss if i didnt call attention to one of the more stunning tragedies to occur over the past thirty years:
The demise of Billy Joel's talent.
Here's a rather lengthy list that bears a "mull" or two: Always a woman, the Stranger, Allentown, Honesty, Movin Out, You May Be Right, Dont Ask Me Why, Just a Fantasy, Just The Way You Are, Still Rock n Roll To Me, Shes Got A Way, Big Shot, Scenes from an Italian Restaurant, Goodnight Saigon... and notice i didnt include any of the "mediocre but still passing good" songs (see: Tell Her About It, Piano Man, Zanzibar, Say Goodbye to Hollywood, Uptown Girl etc). I will go to my death saying that EVERYONE on this planet likes at least ONE billy joel song. Its completely statistically possible- there's just SO many songs. Plus, I've done my share of research. All your "counter culture pro-forma fashion kids" like at least one BJ song they keep secret. Like Hall and Oates.
But UNLIKE Hall and Oates, who are getting respect these days, our boy Bill is now the butt of bad driving jokes and five greatest hits collections.
So what happened?
Ill tell you what happened. We Didnt Start The Fire happened. And like a fire, with one fail swoop that musical migrane wiped out every scrap of talent he had. It even robbed him of potential talent in years to come. Its suck was that powerful.
Even that chicken neck Rod Stewart- who laid a many a musical 1000 year old egg (see: the abysmal "midnight train", "infatuation" (aka the song that will make you sterile ) has gained a shred of respectability for that MTV unplugged crapola he did back when. EVEN Roger Waters has amassed a pretty successful comeback career. EVEN Roger Waters. Yes I said that twice b/c it bears repeating.
But back to BJ and his spectacular failure. Is it because of the heights he attained that his fall was so great? Was this some sort of "icarian irony"? Did he fly too close to the sun with wings made of gin?
Just A Fantasy Vid bc they wont let me embed it
When I was a kid, this song really REALLY puzzled me in a way that well...I understood as I got older. In fact, each time I watch the video (which has been like fifteen times already this weekend) I understand a little more. One thing I dont understand: why that blonde didnt hang up on fugly Billy and get with the bearded one in the corner. He looks like a whole bunch of fun. Im WILDLY attracted to him. Its the jacket. The beard. That cocked eyebrow. Just about everything. Except for the fact that its really Billy Joel. BUT the way I see it: since the real Billy likes blondes, his alter ego must like brunettes, right? That guy can drunk dial me ANYTIME.
Honesty (live). Japanese version with the words so YOU TOO CAN SING TO IT!
Damn. This is a purty song isnt it? Its up there in the Nick Drake depressing category, but its nice. I think every girl loves this song. Its in our DNA to enjoy songs where men tell us about how we are so special and honest. Even I like this song, and I dont like love songs.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Marvin: Funky Space Reincarnation
Sergio Mendes & 66: Witchita Lineman (great cover)
Tom Jones: Lookin Out My Window
Yes tom jones.
Placebo: Humpty Dumpty
More Love Unlimited: Find the man bro.
the Monkees: For Pete's Sake
aka. the song that ended the show, i believe.
I saw this a while back and forgot about it. It was probably on purpose.
Were Having a Gang Bang: Black Lace
This is the same band who did "agadoo"- the pineapple video. I find this disturbing bc of the enthusiasm the band displays while singing about this gang bang. I feel like getting my pepper spray ready.
Perhaps "gang bang" is cockney ryhming slang for "heterosexual monogomy". i never did understand that stupid language (if it even is a language, b/c its not). There is no cockney rhyming slang for my opinion of this song/video/band: complete shit = complete shit in ANY language.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
4 is like, statistically impossible. Dont ever name your kids George people. Bad things happen to them.
Toto: Georgy Porgy (aka George loses his lover bc he blows it and goes all soft on her.)
Actually, the song/poem GP is supposed to be about King James' supposed gay lover George Villers.
Here's the real "georgie porgie" in action:
Villiers reciprocated the king's love and wrote to James: "I naturally so love your person, and adore all your other parts, which are more than ever one man had" and "I desire only to live in the world for your sake". Villiers gained support from those opposed to the current favourite, Robert Carr, 1st Earl of Somerset.
So georgie made em cry b/c he liked to "do" the boys. The King no less. Damn George. Flatter a man's penis and it will get you anywhere, huh?
To recap: its a song about a girl who has sex with lots of men, with a reference to a poem about a boy who harasses girls but is actually really about a gay courtier but they changed it to be hetero. Phew. Got that?
Rod Stewart: The Killing of Georgie (Georgie is gay and gets beat to death)
Oh lord, get your hankies and barf buckets ready. How brave of you, Rod. With a name like Rod, and a penchant for wearing lipstick, you "went there" and wrote what is probably the most "im ok with you gays" song there ever was. And this from such a hetero specimen as Rod. No one gay would have done that "Infatuation" crap. You know, the song with the video where he stalks that frosted haired lady. That song stinks of balding desperate heterosexuality. Like a Mets game.
Some drag queen singing Van Morisson's Madame George (aka: a song written by a drunk about another drunk).
I dont like this song. But i will say this version is an improvement.
And as a preemptive bitch, all you VM morons go die. I like VM but i dont like Madame George. Everyone needs to stop sweating that song. People like, loooove this song. I dont understand why. I never understood why. And unfortunately, unlike college, there is no one i can cheat off of to understand why. So, I will go to my death not knowing. But Ive made my peace with that.
And, last but not least.
Mc Lyte: Poor Georgie. (aka: Dont drive while depressed and keep your hair tight always even when drunk)
Georgie-you win! Although you were a drunk and probably spun the "std wheel" a little too often for my tastes, he's dead and hes got a girl writing songs about how dope he was even WITH bad hair.
In comparison to heartbreak, smashing your head on a rock or being a saggy tittied drag queen in some dank bar, Georgie made it out ok.
And by ok I mean completely horribly. But its the best we can hope for in these sad times.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
B/c if this is you, i need you to hurl a brick at Australia for this.
Ugh, ONCE AGAIN, australia gets it totally incorrect. This song SHOULD make me want to love. Instead it makes me want to do terrible TERRIBLE things. But only after I straighten his goddamn hair. My feelings on curly hair on front men could be the subject of an entire blog entry, and maybe someday will, but for now, suffice to say, I dont think his makeover would be complete without a black eye, a bunch of chipped teeth and a broken bone or two. But at least his hair would look better.
Im especially upset b/c i love that organ.
I'd also prefer it if the aforementioned brick be aimed at HIS organ. B/c if he in fact "has a lot of love" and he's spreading it out, that may mean we will someday have scores of little curly haired things with "melodic positive affirmations" scurrying around on this earth. And I just CANT allow that to happen.
I hate these types of songs. In FACT, this song is coming real REAL close to matching what I believe to be the MOST ANNOYING song in the history of recorded musical drek: The Logical Song.
OOOH DO I HATE THIS SONG. This is the song that will be playing ad nauseam when I eventually go to hell for all the sinful things Ive done on this earth. (Note: ad nauseam: more than 1x) This "thing" has everything i hate in a "song": a mention of a vegetable in the lyrics, too much rhyming, and a lofty message about the virtues of self exploration. Mental self exploration.
The least entertaining type of self exploration.
Here is someones comment on YouTube on this piece of garbage
written by Hodgson: very personal lyric for him: "You can't preach to people, but you can stimulate their thoughts, and I think that this song does do that. I hate to use the word 'message,' but the thought here is that throughout childhood you are told so many things, and yet you are never told who you really are; you are not told anything about your real self. Very rarely, anyway. We are taught how to function outwardly, but not told who we are inwardly, and no one explains it to us.
Here's a thought: You're an idiot. By definition no one else but YOU can define who YOU are.
And b/c im generous like that, here's another thought:
You can lead a whore to culture, but you cant make her think. Thats MY message. To think that someone takes these lyrics to heart and may use it as their "banner anthem" makes me want to have like fifteen kids. Just to even out the odds for humanity.
Oh and PS. The curly hair thing is totally b/c of Boston. So sad. So SO SAD.
Oh and this is totally a good "feel good" song. Its positive affirmations done correct. Sunlight. Rebirth. And a Rockman.
Boston's band history is an interesting read. Wiki it. Too bad this positive speak didn't work for their singer. But being a lawyer will make anyone off themselves.
Behold! 2 of the 4 remaining living arizona unicorn mantids.
If they grow up they will get names.
That upright one is a champ.
My love of mantids are directly related to my love of chop socky movies. Esp this dude. Dhalsim from Street Fighter or the indian from Master of the Flying Guillotine. I believe he fights "mantis" style. Not sure. But looks kinda like it.
Sorry for the non sequitur, just needed an excuse to post that fight b/c well, its pretty badass. And i always wanted an owl.
And I still love that movie despite the History channel telling me that a weapon such as the FG would have been too clumsy for any real use and probably didnt exist or wasnt used in real fighting.
Oh well. My conscience prevents me from posting the fight above without posting the fight below. B/c even though muy thai looks stooooooooooooopid as hell, this scene is probably my favorite "fight" scene in any movie.
Except for the girl with the flail in kill bill. You cant get better than that.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Rarely do three sentences sum up an evening.
Here's mine in three sentences.
Q: Can I have a kamakaze please?
A: the shot or the drink?
Q: It comes in a drink?
I guess my admitting I am not the worlds most experienced drinker is not as shocking as the fact that I didnt know kamakazes came in a drink glass. Needless to say I got hip to it. Enough to not want to look at a lime for the next two weeks or so.
I digress. I have a hangover so I can digress. Maybe you have a hangover too. So digress with me.
One of my ALL TIME favorite songs.
Bonita loves this record too.
Eric Gale: Ginseng Woman from a record i dont have but will probably get
Edwin Starr: Easin In: sample from High Rollers. Good choice.
Gil Scott Heron: Angel Dust
Song about sherm. Good thing there are lots of drugs, b/c otherwise GSH would have no lyrical material, now would he.
If you can id what song sampled this please email me b/c i cant remember. And i know it was sampled.
Gil Scott Heron: We Almost Detroit (not about drugs, but um, its about detroit)
UPDATE! I remembered. Its Modular Mix by Air.
If you dont have this record you need to get it b/c it is one of the most perfect records i think i have ever heard. Ok its an EP. But its still incredibly good. And incredibly sad in retrospect b/c Air never made another good record again. Or one i liked at least.
Heres another song from that record, but not the one i want to find now.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Let me sit down for a second and list ten things "wrong" with this pile of mind boggling awful.
1. Wrong: That outfit with the blackface.
2. Wrong: The other outfit the keyboarder has on.
3. Wrong: The singing back up hot dogs.
4. Wrong: A song that has an opening line that goes "I was making myself a salad, and i was chopping a lot of carrots."
5. Wrong: Writing a song about a salad.
6. Wrong: Writing a song about a salad that is so confusing, i cant quite grasp whether or not you are pro salad or anti salad.
7. Wrong: Making me care about his opinion on salad.
8. Wrong: Pigs do not eat mud.
9. Wrong: That thing that comes in at 2:55
10.Wrong: That its the tenth time ive watched this thing this weekend.
11. BONUS SPINAL TAP WRONG: Its not a ballad about salad. Its up tempo, almost like a ska song about salad.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Charlie: Spacer Woman
What's with the extra "r"? This makes 2 songs with this nightmare spelling: Shelia's "Spacer" and this one. Shelia kept the spelling on the record, whereas Charlie ran a spellcheck. Both used "spacer" in the lyrics.
Neither are from Belgium.
Oh and there's a little "theme" going here apparently. Listen for it.