Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Do You Have Any Mens Shirts For Men?

WHY is there not more clips of this MASTERPIECE on youtube? This movie is just the bestest thing ever. Start to finish. Julio. The hedge. The grandmother. Staten Island. Jeff from Pink Lady and Jeff! Oh just everything about it. This one I was allowed to watch. And watch i did! Repeatedly!

Hey! Its Saks! Right? Looks like it.

For those curious, they tore down "Pops" (the real life Victory Diner, aka the VD). Sad right. Actually that makes me sad. They had good milkshakes and truly odd clientelle.

Alfonsos is still here tho!

And here is why i HATE anthrax. The band. The disease sucks almost as hard as the band.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Greatest Sports Movie Ever

Fuck Hoosiers. Oh how ehhhhhhveryone sweated Hoosiers. Not me/my family. We were a Slapshot house.

In retrospect, kind of an odd movie to watch with your parents, but it was one of those movies that i could watch "when i got old enough"- which really meant "when we go out and leave you home alone so you can passively aggressively defy us and watch it" . By the time I was "old enough" I had seen it a bunch already and was freely using some quotes around my house from it. So much for my parents authority.

Anyways, sad to report that there are rumors swirling concerning the imminent demise of Mr Newman, and this makes me sad. Sad b/c he was really hot. In everything. Especially in this flick tho. Parental defiance got me in the mood i guess.

So here's to you, hot paul newman, and to the REAL stars of this movie: the hansen brothers. Who arent hot, and who arent dying, but um... well are just great arent they.

Fight! The star spangled banner scene is one of the funniest in movie history-dom.

Meet the brothers. Who brought their toys with them.

On the ice. 2:14.

Trade me right fucking now! sigh. i wish i could find that scene.

Here is the zzzzzztheatrical trailer which does not do this movie justice. In fact, heres MY synopsis:

Coach of shit team cant win any games, no fans etc.- no one has any lives aside from hockey and will be working at factories if the team folds, dreams dead etc.- rumor of imminent sale of said team- new teammates hansen's fighting embarrasses team at first, but ends up getting them famous for their goonery. Team decides to "run with it". People in team have issues. Really filthy dialog. Lots of 70s sex humor. Paul Newman's TERRIBLE outfits. Team triumphs. The End.

Another one i wasnt allowed to watch, but did anyway, and it was totally worth it. Sparked a love of bad film.

Warhol's Blood For Dracula. (AKA the worst film ever made)

Thursday, August 21, 2008

pop quiz.

What do all these have in common?

A few things.
I owned them all on record. They are all quality songs. They all skip now. They all are going in the garbage. A sad day. A day that i wished i could do the old "penny trick" to make it work. But those days are gone. Like these records.

circle of life.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Sweet Stuff & Sonic Infamy

Good song? Kept my coffee hot for two hours! WIN WIN!
Her outfit? LOSE LOSE.

And b/c im breaking down and buying this today. B/c i want them to have my money. B/c they made a quality record.

How come no one makes a big deal about this band? And everyone made a big whoop about that OTHER band. You know who im talking about. This band is WAY better and the girls are hotter.

Oh and does she say Sonic Infamy? Cos that is dope if she does, but i think its Atomic Infamy. Which would make sense.

You know what? This band writes sexy music. Like sylvia above. And, OH MY LORD, nary a mention of someone's vag or penis! In fact, I think the closest they get (and this award goes to sylvia) is some sort of metaphor about being some dudes blanket. Grrr!

My long and belabored musical point? Um... i guess that Im not really into sex songs that are disgusting and graphic. And there's been a lot of that around lately. I think it needs to stop. Almost immediately. Im standing up for seduction b/c its like a dead language or something. Sex deserves a light touch I guess. Or an English touch.

Shudder. An English touch? Never mind.

You know who had a light English touch? She did.

Yes, its a Justine Frischmann thing again. I cant help it, she's just so cool. Allow me to gush. Any british girl band always makes me think of Justine I guess. The british, smart(assy) and talented chick who writes good songs about sex, has a great band and doesn't slut it all up but is sexy as hell. Justine is/was all those things. Justine. Justine! Bitch was everywhere in the 90s and nowhere in 00s (like me!) and i just love that. She's jewish; love that too. And, most impressive in my opinion, she was the inspiration for the purtiest, saddest, loveliest song about a breakup. UNlike me. I never got any love songs. I got mean(ish) you piss me off songs. And not just one song/band. I guess that's kinda love. I actually used to find it flattering, but now Im sorta feeling bad by comparison. So much for my sonic contribution.

Hey! Wait a second...Im sonicly infamous! Technically speaking, I am, right?

I feel sort of better now. A small victory for a small person with small goals.

Saturday, August 16, 2008


Devin Flynns style squad! Urban CHUDZ!
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I love this. Its got so much in it. Notably:
1. Guitarist talking on cell phone while he's on stage.
2. The "Shit from when we were kids" t shirt.
3. Bedford= Chudford. I assume CHUD is a ref to the CHUDS, but i think its more like "Camera Hoggin Urban Dwellers". Note: they all turn into chuds when the cameras are on.
4. The Twats & "So Over it" store.
5. How they nail the kids in the keffiyah
6. The word SPLORCH.
7. The word MAMMAL toe. How great.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Gripe: Lobster Disques/Dearth of Info/Mashups and Brine

I find it difficult to believe that in this day and age, I would not be able to find out ANYTHING about a band or a record label.

Sadly, its true.

Here is what I know so far: label. lots of cute little crustacean/sea creature joke titles. lots of edits of weird songs that actually sound good and are pretty much just re-worked as opposed to mashed up with other shit. An ELO cover that blew my socks off. Some dude named Secret Bob. A record called California Breaming. It should have been California Brining in my opin, but its good so who the hell cares.

Yes Im a sucker for a gimmick, when the gimmick is good. And i like their gimmick- im 100% down with the sea creatures. Throw an octopus ref in there and im ready to sell my home for a record. Plus the song choices dont seem "forced" ; like they do with mash-ups. Which makes me think that the Mashup may be on its way OUT and actually remixing a song will come back in. I will go to my DEATH hating the mash-up and all the earaches it brought with it. PU. Worst shit to happen to music since Jungle. Terrible. This isnt so much "mashed" as it is remixed in the truest sense of the term. In cooking, a stale mixture should be re-mixed. Mash it and it ends up a disgusting flat unpalatable mess.

Cooking metaphors. Love it. B+.

I would have given myself an A had i used a lobster metaphor or something to "tie it all in" but its early and im kinda tired.

Take a listen
Snip Snip, Oyster La Vista Baby

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Doodletown Pipers

"We don't have anything in common. Look at these records: Jim Nabors, Glen Campbell, the Doodletown Pipers. Now look at her records! They stink!"

Today, August 13th, 10:32 pm, will go down in history as the day I first heard said pipers of "doodletown" and Im not sure i will ever be the same again. This is some reaallly bad stuff. I needed to sit down after track 2. By track 3 the boxed wine was out. By track 7, Im enjoying it immensely.

My dad always tells me the story of Frank Sinatra's version of "winchester cathedral" and how it is considered, amongst Sinatra fans, the WORST thing he ever did. Even the guy on "saturdays with sinatra" on 97 WYNY winced his way through the intro to that song. I will say this: I havent heard Frank's version, but the Doodletown Pipers version made my dogs really upset. Which made me upset. Is this "winchester cathedral" like an Excalibur thing? You know, like a song that only a really really talented performer can "do"? And if Frank cant, then WHO CAN?

"bring back them vaudeville days/winchester cathedral" as performed by the TOM HANSEN DANCERS! YAAAAAAAAAY!

Wow! I can barely stand! All that ankle! MY EYES! MY VIRGIN EYES! 2:35 is the Winchester Cathedral Massacre.
Ughhh... this is really terrible.

Doodletown Pipers 30 members! Madness

PS. Frank and the DTP also did "something stupid", a song which i really really dislike.
PPS. Something stupid is my second least favorite song
PPPS. Daddy's home is my least favorite song. That song is, without a doubt, the most awful, creepy, cringe inducing, vomitocious sound ever recorded and pressed onto record. I cant even begin to express in words how much I hate that song.
Its just so disgusting. Steely Dan wouldnt even record that shit.

And that is saying a lot.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


By request!
Ha, what do you think i come up w all this crap myself? Its a team effort. A team of people who dont want me to mention them lest they be embarrassed by their awful taste.

I never saw this movie, but i think i am going to have to immediately.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Richard Pryor 1980

Freebase AFTER you do interviews Richard!

Actually, dont. This is an interview w/ Rich during filming for Stir Crazy. 13 minutes of MADNESS.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Music Time Again

LOI: Body Contact

In true nerd fashion, I stopped the video and here are some of the better tracks from that record:
E. Motello: Jet Boy Jet Girl: Awesome.
Red Pnt Orchestra: Blue Light
Corruption Show Me Yours

The rest was totally unlistenable.

Chantal Curtis: Get Another Love

System: Youre In My System

Stuuupid vid. Terrible. Good song tho. Why cant i remember what movie this was in. I know it was in something.

Actually, its bothering me. What the HELL was it in? It was in the background in some scene. I have a BAD feeling that its Glitter. I hope it isnt Glitter, b/c i was hoping to never bring up that movie and how i like it. Glitter had all sorts of good music in it and is one of the best (read: worst) movies EVER. The dialog is the greatest. Da Brat is the greatest. Da acting is ATROCIOUS. Showgirls had better acting. Trivia: Its release date was.... 9.11.01- how much WORSE can you get. Really.

Oh and PS. How awful is it that the one correction/addition I can make to wikipedia is that they forgot to include Lime's "Babe We're Gonna Love Tonight" in the tracks section of Glitter's entry?


Digital Emotion: Get Up Action

I came across this a few days ago, and i liked it, then i didnt like it, and now i think im onto liking again. I mean, I thought about it and went to find it. And then refound it again on an entirely different musical tangent. Its a SIGN! Of what? No clue!

Awful record, interesting backstory

Found Art! Not really. Found crap is more accurate.

The record says this show was "born on Jan 8, 1974, of capricorn birthright, truly destined to reach the people" and goes on to (self)describe the music as "ingenious- light and refreshing, yet dark and searching". Listening to this record "will revitalize, replenish, and touch your soul with its message". Um. With songs like "Choir Practice" and "Come in My Mouth" (Im not kidding here) Id really appreciate it keeping its hands to itself.

Actually, Im looking at it, and it seems like side A is the "doing it side" while side B is the "boring heartfelt side". Give it to me vs Take Me Home with You. Im Gay vs Whatever Turns You On. "I believe my body" probably could have gone on either side. Its no wonder it was living behind my bookcase- it likes it in the dark where it can do GOD only knows what.

Ugh thank god I am throwing that bookcase out.

Anyhooo, turns out this awful record/play has a rather interesting story:

"Someone at the State Liquor Authority must have heard about the show as two undercover agents attempted to stop it by shutting down the club, claiming that liquor could not be served at a show depicting simulated sex. The producer attempted to weasel out of the charge saying that the show was in fact a "nude ballet." However, it wasn't until a group of actors, reviewers and personalities came to the show's defense against the charges of lewdness and indecency that the state backed off. Famed sociologist Alvin Toffler (Future Shock) and feminist Betty Friedan both testified in court that they believed Let My People Come was a legitimate work of art; an important one, in fact. "I regard the Village Gate as a cultural institution of New York," said Toffler. "It has served as a testing ground for new talent, new ideas, new music. Let My People Come is directly in that stream of social comment... It is not dirty, just happy and healthy." Friedan chimed in to say that she had seen the show twice and was planning to take her college-aged daughter. Eventually the charges were settled with the Village Gate having to fix minor building violations.

Let My People Come broke all box office records at the Village Gate and played for 1,167 performances. Unfortunately, once it went to Broadway, it suffered more setbacks. It was condemned by local theater groups and composer Earl Wilson, Jr. demanded that his name be removed from the credits, claiming, of all things, that the show had become too vulgar. The publishers of the Andrews Sisters' song "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" then sued Let My People Come and its producers, because of their parody entitled "The Cunnilingus Champion of Company C". In fact, it was an early test of the Fair Use statute, and Let My People Come lost due to the fact that the law didn't provide for direct parody without permission. A full 20% of the Broadway profits had to be paid out, and unfortunately, the show closed after 106 performances."

Alvin Toffler? Really? Eh, not that surprising now that i think about it. I will say though, I would probably give up a few fingers just to see the look on the Andrews Sisters faces when they heard about the champion. Ok maybe one finger. Per sister? No way. Actually I need these things. Never mind.

An interesting article about "the sexual musical" and discussion (with sub moronic lyrics) of LMPC and Oh Calcutta and some sex play with Adrienne Barbeau from "the Fog"- oooooh

The Fog! The Trailer! Scary!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

1973 Brothers and Sisters Benefit Chicago

Phew. Nuff of that. Now its time to be happy again.

Nothing cheers me up like old live footage from the 70s starring two of the "hot unfortunate three".

Why hot? Um, come ON.

Why unfortunate?

His dad shot him.

A light collapsed on him in flatbush and he became a quadriplegic

We all know what happened to teddy. Paraplegic. And he wasn't at this concert. And he's still alive. But he looks bad these days, the hots almost all gone. Bad moustache. Looks like eddie murphy. Which is TOTALLY unfortunate.

I cant find much of anything on this concert, aside from the fact that Jesse Jackson was the one who ran it, and everyone from Nancy Wilson to The Jackson 5 performed at it. Theres only about five clips up and these are the two good ones. This may just be the one multi act concert I would consider going to. If i had a time machine and could go back to a year prior to my birth and attend a concert.

Actually screw that. Id be in 1977. At any concert. What a great year. THE GREATEST YEAR. 1973 can kiss it, even with their good concerts.

Uh Oh.

I KNEW Id eventually find it if i looked hard enough.

This is a documentary I saw many years ago on HBO called "Dark End of the Street". Its about little punk rock angst-y kids and SF, and dirty dirty heroin and it is, without a doubt, one of the MOST disturbing and depressing docs I ever EVER saw. Im not sure who is the most depressing character in this documentary: they are all so very very pitiful. And lost. And most likely dead. Which i am not sure is a good thing or a bad thing.

Why post it? As a reminder that life is hard and empathy is a good thing.

Oh, and to be thankful for what you've got.

How and WHY the cops let Jessica out after the AIDS test is BEYOND ME, but Its probably what disturbed me the most in the film. Its cruel and ignorant. And its bad policy- drug or otherwise. Hear no evil, see no evil bs if you ask me.

Oh... and the IV? Equally as disturbing, but not surprising.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Non Sequitur Post: good music & bad films

im sick today. Break out the violins everyone. But it should be noted: no amount of physical discomfort can keep me away from you tube with its spinning record videos and trailers from shiteous old movies. Its an every day affair. And its all for you. Aren't you lucky.


Really bad. But Oh So GOOD!

Kinda Good, but a little long

Swamp Girl: Not long enough but not good at ALL.

lol... wtf the okaphenoke swamp? HAHAHAHA

Brothers by choice: stupid name, but a good song

*also believe they wrote the original "how much i feel" that was covered by Ambrosia. The band, not the food.

My favorite movie. Mary Woronov!

MW was in all my favorite "bad" movies. Chopping Mall. Eating Raoul. Rock N Roll High School. She's the dopeness.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Listenable 1980s dance music

*props to this kid for what i ASSUME is a blazing saddles reference.

Back when i used to go to decrepit second hand electronic stores to buy 50cent records, SAM, NIA and Mango records were always the risky purchases. Of every ten records from these labels, MAYBE one was good. And because I wouldnt dare embarrass myself by asking to hear a 50c 12" in a store that might just burn down if something else gets plugged in, I usually ended up lugging abut ten dollars/pounds worth of crap home. On the BUS. Then up a HILL. Only to be disappointed and stuck with a bunch of shiteous records. Eventually I stopped buying "those" records unless I heard em or knew em.

But now, the search is free and no hills/public transit are involved and so i can feel free to browse the catalogs of these mediocre labels without the associated pissed offedness that comes from the repeated dashing of ones hopes combined with change giving for stuff you will throw out later.

Here are some good songs from that era that I did or did not find under pizza boxes and old New York Posts. Which ones I own are a secret. Its a secret b/c its not many! Sigh.

Sorry. I couldnt resist. Besides being the ONLY good Eg. Lover song, its probably one of the few songs that still makes me blush and giggle like an idiot. Why? Dunno. Yes I do know actually. But I'm not telling. Please note: i heard this song BEFORE i saw what he looked like.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Douchebag Beach

Laugh if you will, but I went to jr/high school with people that were JUST LIKE THIS. My hair is still trying to get over the trauma of South Shore Staten Island. For those who arent familiar with the Extra Hold Hair Gel Road: its brooklyn (house or apartment), to south shore staten island (big(er) house and yard) and then to either Florida (house and outdoor roofed pool) or New Jersey (big house, shopping as recreation and live for summer at the shore). The gel use remains consistent throughout. Thank GOD for consistency!

Skip the lame intro and watch the mind numbing brilliance, fights and um, drunken idiots with the IQ of your average glue sniffer.
I think Dino is my favorite. Note how he neglects to mention whether said threesomes were with 2 guys or 2 girls.

Why do i suddenly feel like having shrimp and white wine?