You might want to sit down

Wow. Just wow. Good going Melbourne. You must be so proud. That dude in the leather jacket at the end sure is.

Let us remember a time when THIS was the worst rap to stab our ears and eyes. A happier time.

Who Says Romance is Dead? Not Candy Pants!

Candy Pants. A song called Candy Pants. Its so terrible. So SO terrible.


Id even give you a chance...to take off your pants... id eat the seat. Oh GOD it just gets WORSE when he stars to talk about her being a honey-dripper. Really.

Thank god he's a minister of sobriety, because for a second, I thought maybe he was a crackhead and this was just a drug mess. So its actually a sober mess, which makes it way more entertaining.

Oh and do they have to run to his house with a mattress on their backs b/c he doesn't have one?

PS. I found this gem while looking for a commercial for "Skidz". It occurred to me that instead, I found a skidmark.

BAHZING!

Oh and here is Will Shatner "singing" How To Handle A Woman.



Its simple: just ask to get into her candy pants.

Anyone capable of throwing heavy objects really long distances?

B/c if this is you, i need you to hurl a brick at Australia for this.


Ugh, ONCE AGAIN, australia gets it totally incorrect. This song SHOULD make me want to love. Instead it makes me want to do terrible TERRIBLE things. But only after I straighten his goddamn hair. My feelings on curly hair on front men could be the subject of an entire blog entry, and maybe someday will, but for now, suffice to say, I dont think his makeover would be complete without a black eye, a bunch of chipped teeth and a broken bone or two. But at least his hair would look better.

Im especially upset b/c i love that organ.
I'd also prefer it if the aforementioned brick be aimed at HIS organ. B/c if he in fact "has a lot of love" and he's spreading it out, that may mean we will someday have scores of little curly haired things with "melodic positive affirmations" scurrying around on this earth. And I just CANT allow that to happen.

I hate these types of songs. In FACT, this song is coming real REAL close to matching what I believe to be the MOST ANNOYING song in the history of recorded musical drek: The Logical Song.



OOOH DO I HATE THIS SONG. This is the song that will be playing ad nauseam when I eventually go to hell for all the sinful things Ive done on this earth. (Note: ad nauseam: more than 1x) This "thing" has everything i hate in a "song": a mention of a vegetable in the lyrics, too much rhyming, and a lofty message about the virtues of self exploration. Mental self exploration.
The least entertaining type of self exploration.

Here is someones comment on YouTube on this piece of garbage

written by Hodgson: very personal lyric for him: "You can't preach to people, but you can stimulate their thoughts, and I think that this song does do that. I hate to use the word 'message,' but the thought here is that throughout childhood you are told so many things, and yet you are never told who you really are; you are not told anything about your real self. Very rarely, anyway. We are taught how to function outwardly, but not told who we are inwardly, and no one explains it to us.

Here's a thought: You're an idiot. By definition no one else but YOU can define who YOU are.

And b/c im generous like that, here's another thought:

You can lead a whore to culture, but you cant make her think. Thats MY message. To think that someone takes these lyrics to heart and may use it as their "banner anthem" makes me want to have like fifteen kids. Just to even out the odds for humanity.

Oh and PS. The curly hair thing is totally b/c of Boston. So sad. So SO SAD.

Oh and this is totally a good "feel good" song. Its positive affirmations done correct. Sunlight. Rebirth. And a Rockman.
Boston's band history is an interesting read. Wiki it. Too bad this positive speak didn't work for their singer. But being a lawyer will make anyone off themselves.

Scopitone Thursday

Brook Benton: Father Time

Id love to know the songs the girls are dancing to.

I Cried For You: Sonny King


The Silencer: Joi Landsing

Why this was flagged as "adult" is beyond me.

Queen of the House: Jody Miller

I TOTALLY cook like that.

Zero Points in Eurovision Contest

Courtesy of Turkey.

Canada's answer to the Village People

Ah the 1970s. A time where the artistic showpiece of the worlds most exclusive and biggest nightclub was giant moon man with an equally gigantic coke spoon up his nose. A time where spandex was acceptable for women, and occasionally, for men if worn as a top. A time where people had shampoos called "Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific" and drove "Le Cars".
And apparently a time where a band would name themselves the Skatt brothers, and be somewhat successful.

the Skatt Brothers: I walk the night


This is some seriously hot stuff, right? Well, the instrumental at least. The lyrics, well... that rod beneath his coat line is a real kick no? Hot dog! We have a wiener... but wait.

Watch THIS.

The Bros at the Outpost. (or, Give your love to a cowboy man).
This video and song just about negates everything decent they ever did. (See above).


Im confused here. And this may just be the most awful thing ive ever seen. I know i say this a lot. But i really mean it this time. I know that the Village People were "supposed" to be straight (at least in Cant Stop the Music they were). Are these guys supposed to be straight too? Everything i know is WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG!

Creepy sex songs from a man with an eye patch

What the hell was in the water in the 70s?

Dr Hook, continues to be, the CREEPIEST band. God damn! I need a shower or something. To think of how many poor children may have been conceived to this crapola explains a lot about why the country is the way it is. To crib spinal tap: "this band is treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality". And god bless em.

The Original "Eeeeww really" song.
When Youre In Love with a Beautiful Woman

This song really bothered me as a kid. Im not really sure why exactly. Considering the fact this is relatively tame for Dr Hook.

Sharing the Night

Ahhh yeah. Nothing says hot sex like desperation. Oh puke. And i LOVE how he considers it presumptuous that he may "stay the night" but takes no issue with asking flat out if they can screw.
Also i dare you to choose which one of these hotties you would spend the night with if given the opportunity.

Dr Hook: A little bit more
(the lyrics are worth a look...)

"when your body has had enough of me and im laying flat out on the floor, when you think i loved you all i can...im gonna love you a little bit more".

Oh and maybe this is a stupid question, but which one of these vomit inducing men is Dr. Hook? Id say it was the dude with the eyepatch, but wouldnt that be captain, as opposed to doctor?

I gotta learn to say no

And my response is OH. Best line since "lemonade was a popular drink and it still is".


I was thinkin. There's not enough hip hop up on here. Here's some. Sorry ya'll.


Here's something to wash that taste out of your mouth. I looooved this video as a kid.

Im not a big Ice T fan, but this record is as much of a hot mess as coco. I love coco.

Jazz Fusion + Mime = Shit

PU.

Hall of Fame: Sondra Prill

I really cant take total credit for "finding" the wonderful Sondra Prill. I forget how and when i came across this beauty, but once I was exposed to that angelic voice, that sense of style and unbridled enthusiasm, I was hooked. Its almost like she commanded me to make sure I let everyone know how much I love her. Ive never been the same. Every night I sit in my chair, laptop in hand, and cry. I pray. Anything. Sondra... Sondra...

Sondra sings Nasty by Janet Jackson

Sondra sings Pump up the Jam (sand in the crack mix)

I love how she doesnt so much as "sing" as she does "yell" at you.

Youre gonna look like cooked spaghetti

This song has the best lyrics ever. I guess its a song, right? Or is it more of a dance number + song? This is really just splitting hairs isnt it. The real issue here, is that apparently, Kitty Genovese has taught us nothing. I'm talking to YOU, lady putting on lipstick.

Here's the end of this shiteous movie. Its called "ace hits the big time". Ill ruin the ending for you: he "does it". Whatever "it" is, he does. And ill ruin something else for you: the building doesn't cave in on his head and kill him. No matter how hard you pray for it to.

Now this just made my day

Its been a bad morning. No Big Star/Alex Chilton vids on youtube. A bizarre bunch of songs on my computer that are totally terrible and w/o titles. Its cold. Im lonely.

However, good old cheeseball Egyptian Lover has come to my rescue with this really sub par audio/video offering. And huzzah, I am lonely no more.



With a line like "Im kinda desperate...lets get it on" how can you POSSIBLY turn this man down? It ties with "I'd like to scramble your eggs from the inside" as far as pillow talk goes.

Im Really Gifted

When it comes to finding total crap on you tube. It just comes to me. If only buckets of money would come as easy.

I came across this, um, whatever it is, when I was looking for videos by a disco band called Lace.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? A bartender with a CHERRY HEAD? This is a first. And hopefully a last. Im not one for dispensing advice, BUT, If you go to a bar and see the bartender has a head that is, in fact, a cherry (as opposed to red from being an alcoholic) then id say its time to stop drinking there.



oh, and who is "fruitier"; the dudes in the band (dressed as fruit) or the nelson brothers in the leather pants?

Harpo: Rock N Roll Clown.

Im speechless. He haw hehawhehaw...

Hot Blood: Soul Dracula

this will suck the life out of you. Happy Valentines Day.