Thats Not Entertainment

Its fucking nightmarish. On a couple of levels. All of which you are lucky enough to read me discuss. Dont say i never gave you anything.



Ok. First, some advice. Just SHAKE it off. Go for a walk, drink a gallon of gin, do push ups... do whatever it is you need to do to allow you to eternal sunshine of the spotless mind this shit and wipe that look of horror off your face. Its just a song and dance routine after all. Yes yes, most dance routines dont have singing triplets walking around like crabs, and showing off the moves they honed @ the exorcist dance studio, but still, theres some choreography and that qualifies it technically as dance. Dance isnt scary*. Usually.

Second. Ok, a song about solid potato salad. I think the aim here is to continue to eat this salad, repeatedly. As in one plate after the other. And then, break all your bones to burn off what you just ate Like that whole slide down your back and eat that creepy ass apple thing she did. I mean, i took off a week from work just to think about it, and i really cant see any other reason for whatever it was you just watched. Maybe you can?

Anyway, as appealing as the Shining Twins plus one serving me clumpy potato salad is, the lyrics are really what stir me (pun totally intended). Im palid; does their advice apply to me? But i cant understand half of what they are saying! What if i need this information? I got "POE day TOE salad" and "some shit about groovy" but they lost me afterwards. And im sure everyone involved in this trash ( ironically, much like the potato they sing about) is takin a dirt nap, so there's no way i can ask. Bad news DOES come in threes.

Now, lets get to the meat and POTATOES here. No, what makes this mess ponder worthy is that this was considered entertainment. Its actually from "thats entertainment" (part three, but still). From what i gather, said entertainment films are the equivalent of the "entertainment intensive immersion class": oodles of gene kelly and "shit, that name sounds familiar" people singing and dancing, and, were representative of the A list of entertainment routines of the day. Which makes me wonder: to what generation did a song about solid potato salad appeal to? And are they dead yet?

After google did my math, this shitty ditty is 66 years old. (hmph, wheres that other 6 when you need it). So, if the average life of a man is like 86 or something, there is a possibility that there are, walking amongst us, people who actually thought this passed for "entertainment".

Yes, some of these people walk among us. And they should be applauded. Cos this, despite my complaints, IS some serious shit: and to survive this assault on the senses, and to live in an era that considered THIS entertainment prolly makes you have wontons of steel. Just imagine: instead of songs about sex, it was songs about food. And other boring nouns. Really. Lets raise our plates to them. Cos really, theyve earned it.

You might want to sit down

Wow. Just wow. Good going Melbourne. You must be so proud. That dude in the leather jacket at the end sure is.

Let us remember a time when THIS was the worst rap to stab our ears and eyes. A happier time.

Music!

Not here tho.

Ive decided to compartmentalize a bit.
From now on, music is at www.discodate.blogspot.com or here for the ultra lazy like me.

Crap like this will continue to live here, amongst the other flotsam.


"Where do i start" is right. That grease is disgusting and those singing hamburgers with the lipstick are sluts.

Now Im not one to nit pic...

A part of me feels bad doing this. I mean, here we have Cheri. An 80s band who, despite some serious quality work, never really made it. I mean, i assume there are people (like me) who think they were just tops, but that doesnt really pay rent now does it.

Anyway, this was my introduction to Cheri. And boy did I squeal when i got this for 50cents. In fact, i think i liked it so much that i managed to ignore a rather glaring error on Cheri's part.



Good song, right? Yeah. But see, its not really Murphy's Law she's bitching about. Its Karma. But, i guess Karma doesnt really have that "ring"...that "je ne sais quoi" that is so important in ugh, "artistic license". And perhaps my inability to excuse (or actually, my even noticing such an ideological error) is just further evidence that I am getting old and cranky.

BUT. The 2 rule applies, and i found this also, and its both ideologically correct, and questionably uh, well... you listen.



PS. Im still looking for this MP3 which has been incredibly impossible to find. Should you feel generous....

The Strange Case of Alice Cooper

This is why i dont go to concerts often.

What is the chance im gonna see a GIGANTIC BOTTLE OF TEQUILA dancing on the stage? WITH A HAT!? A cyclops with a headlight for an eye? Costumes w a codpiece? (ugh dont mention lady caca here).... Zero chance. And Im an optimist.



Here's part one. From the record written in the mental institution. I cant say i really love this record, but, man, could he put on a show. He also does old songs, but im a sucker for a bottle that dances while im sober, so i posted the first one.

Doubles!

Family of Eve: I wanna be loved by you
http://www.divshare.com/download/8105069-9ea

Family of Eve: Having it so bad for you
http://www.divshare.com/download/8105070-775

Bernard Estardy: Autoscopie
http://www.divshare.com/download/8105170-8d6

Bernard Estardy: Ala Mia Thra
http://www.divshare.com/download/8105175-074

Yellow Magic Orchestra: 1000 Knives Live (and really &@#*(&(@# good)
http://www.divshare.com/download/8105477-bb5

Yellow Magic Orchestra: Behind the Mask
http://www.divshare.com/download/8105476-1e3

Moroder: Tears
http://www.divshare.com/download/8105218-213

Moroder: fIrst hand experience in 2nd hand love
http://www.divshare.com/download/8105219-1cc

The Clash: Magnificent Seven
http://www.divshare.com/download/8104936-a71

The Clash: Ivan Meets GI Joe
http://www.divshare.com/download/8104935-69a

Alex Gibson Punk Parade
http://www.divshare.com/download/8105271-8b2

Alex Gibson: Suburbia (Soundtrack)
http://www.divshare.com/download/8105274-8aa

Mr Goodbar

DAMN! Tits been a while, huh? Lol sorry, got myself a life. Not really a fantastic one, but one that keeps me busy.

Ok im lying. But the good thing about neglect is that it allows you to amass a whole lotta lovin while you're off doing whatever, which is amplified by the guilt you feel upon your return!

So here's the better songs from the insanely overpriced Looking for Mr Goodbar cd.

Donna Summer: Try Me I Know We Can Make It
http://www.divshare.com/download/8071711-e8a

Donna Summer: Could It Be Magic
http://www.divshare.com/download/8072258-352

Greg Diamond Starcruiser: Danger (12")
http://www.divshare.com/download/8071713-241

Boz Scaggs: Lowdown
http://www.divshare.com/download/8071712-2aa

Commodores: Machine Gun
http://www.divshare.com/download/8071988-753

DIana Ross Love Hangover (subbed out for Dont Leave me this way by thelma H cos uh, w/e)
http://www.divshare.com/download/8072205-05d

terrible terrible commercial w too much fog.

Its a rocket launcher alright. :14 in you're launched into what i would have to say is THE WORST commercial i have ever seen. If i were to count the things "wrong" with those mere :15 seconds, i BET i could find 1 awful thing per second. That face when he says "Oh no". His flying thru that fake ass universe on his keyboard. That triple turn. All that wind in his curly frizzy hair. That fog.



no, not THAT fog. (dont i wish)

Total and complete shit records.

I cant even think of an introductory sentence for what is to follow. I will warn you: get a bucket handy.


Sigh. Hearing this piece of garbage drags me right back to my childhood. Shuddering in horror at how, my led zep and patty smith and talkin heads loving mom not only HAD this record, but would listen to it. A lot. Ugh. Just listen to these lyrics. Kids dont understand romance, and quite frankly, are usually horrified by it. Young me was no exception.


But If pailed in comparison to this lovely little ditty that could turn even the most bright sky dark fucking black and stormy. JESUS GODDAMN CHRIST. Not only did this song remind me of grandpa (quiet man of music who happened to be blind) but ugh its so depressing. And the music is so boring that it really makes you focus on the lyrics. When this record would come on (via stereo in the house or tape in mom and dad's car, i would HOWL. ABSOLUTELY HOWL. People wonder why i chewed on my parents leather volvo interior- this is why.


Well well well. ANOTHER DAN FOGELTURD song. This was a minor annoyance in comparison to the leader of the band, but again, file this under "kids dont "get" love songs and they dont like them. Creepy. Oh and how many people really love this song? And what does this SAY about humanity? This video looks like a life insurance ad.


ZZZzzzzzz.....FIle this under really boring story songs. And really what a song it is. The first part of the song you cant even figure out if he's singing about his daughter or his wife. I wanna know how she died. Maybe she hung herself from that tree. And his logic is flawed; he could be with her if he could. Its easy; im sure the tree is still there.


Again, Bobby Goldsboro. Notice that this post has REPEAT OFFENDERS? I hope you did. Cos i noticed. And it goes w my 2 rule: 2 good songs and ill pay attention to your band. Which means that im SURE these 2 vomitocious bands have a LOT more schmaltz in their repetoire than I have discovered thus far. Which also means that I have some really really bad records I need to listen to.

the Saints, the Damned and the Monks

For some ODD raisin, I feel like hearing this today. Lol, captain sensible on drums?




There is a sequitur! The damned covered this (good too).



And uh, YES, i know about the Monks. And this is the only song by them i like.

I dont like Scott F*cking Walker

I know, kinda a lot of vitriol huh? Oh ive got reasons. Actually one. I just heard this.....thing.



MY HEART! The sheer FUCKERY! WHAT IS THIS (besides the WORST version of one of the best songs ever written)? I heard this and wanted to bash my head on my table. My table is glass. I considered that factor and still wrestled with the idea for a bit. And here i was, thinking I left Scott Walker and his fey ass back in college; never to be annoyed by him again. WRONG.

Dusty's version makes me want to cry; this one makes me want to drop dead.

This is his ONLY GOOD SONG. And i am using the adj good generously. Like "community service" generously (read: forced).

Spoonie Gee The Big Beat, the sex song with no sex in it

So sorry, NOT the godfather cos i dont like that song.



Anyway. How awesome is this? Once upon a time, little me used to religiously listen to hot 97s old school @ noon w/ Red Alert, and once in a while he'd drop this and well, i'd be one happy little suburban white girl. Mind you this was before the intronets, so at best i could guess who sang it, and/or ask people at stores who would inevitably send me to the fucking wrong record. And so it sat on the mental shelf till this drunken ass Fri am when Red Alert came on (at 3 am no less, thank you Kiss FM) and i was reminded of its greatness.

99 cents later, its all mine. And its got me thinking. Why dont people do songs like this any more? You know what kinda song im hinting at: this is a song about SEX. Notice: not one curse nor mention of a body part! To find a hip hop song about sex that isnt completely filthy (and uh, a total turn off if you wanna go there) is like finding a Seven Sisters grad on the ho stroll. Which in this economy may be slightly easier than normal, but still kinda impossible.

My long and belabored point is that...ok, i dont really have one. Im gonna get to work on that.

PS. Peaches/Kool G/Ghetto Boys are exempt from the above discussion b/c their lyrics are hyperbole and funny as fuck.

Bonus Non Sequitur!
Well a semi non sequitur. Here is another Red Alert "mystery/usually misidentified" song from le old school at noon. Another Man by Barbara Mason. I cant even tell you how many shiteous records are named "another man"; but i can tell you only one f em accuses its subject of "switching more than she does" and stealing her sexy dresses. AND WALKING DOWN MARKET STREET! Oooh! Escandalo!

OH NO HE DIDNT!

Don Drummond Interestingness

The Curious Case of Don Drummond

File this under WTF.

Murderer? Insane? Victim? There isnt much up that i could find re: the Margarita murder, but this article kinda sums up the weirdness. Someone needs to write a book on those 2.

PS. I personally find the Skatalites boooooring. I even fell asleep on the floor once during a their concert. Swear. They were third up in a line of 4 bands and i needed my rest for the Special Beat. Yes, the Specials and the English Beat.

Oi! Im embarrassed.

Neil Diamond's Hello Again Special 1986

And here I was, thinking Id seen the lowest of the low. NOT SO. This is really truly an awful awful dated piece of trash, albeit a highly entertaining one. As if we needed further proof that everything in the 80s was total crap...

Part One! Of Five! CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

My favorite thing ever, well almost.

HI CUTIE!!!!

Streetwise, I swear!
So many quotables! WHY did it take so long for someone to post this masterpiece? As if JJ wasnt entertaining enough.... praise be.

What The World Needs Now

You know what? I dunno what the world needs now. I know what I need: I gigantic glass of something to erase this atrocity from my brain.

The Damned: Alone Again Or


Its a good thing i have a strong stomach (and perhaps am some kind of cultural masochist) b/c this really REALLY hurts. Im only writing this now to make sure i keep my hands occupied, lest i take a knife and gauge my ears and eyes out. My eyes might present a problem tho (they are rolling all over the place). A truck? Those dancers? My question is, where are the vultures when you need them? This isnt just awful, its serious offal.

And WHY does this crap make me think of THIS?

Ok you tube doesnt have it, but it was the old Personal Jesus video by Depeche Mode. THAT was a good "western themed" video.

Why should my facebook friends have all the fun?

Heres a bunch of english sad shit from the 90s i used to like and still kinda do but not really as much (except for lush who i still really like a whole bunch).



Yes, there ARE two Gene songs on there. Remember that band? People really hated them; called em a 2nd rate smiths. NOT MOI. I loved em. Enough to suffer through a date with a moron to see them at the Slimelight. Before you bitch, I was the one with the free tickets; AND I learned a valuable lesson. Dont drink and promise things. Anywasteofaticket, the band was great. One of the best shows I ever saw. Say what you want about the Slimelight (and i can say a lot); it was a decent place to see a show. Plus the cave in the back room where they played the goth music was kinda fun after a few. Who am i kidding, even BEFORE a few.

What began in earnest as a tape for tim...

kinda became something else entirely. Lets call it a cd for tim that wont make me irritated while listening to it. It was supposed to be a girl groups thing but eh, i cant be bound by such rules. Instead its like, steam of consciousness stuff. My stream as inspired by him. Not yours.



Clean Sheetz- Strictly Covers
As best as this podunk memory serves me:

(a) cardigans (carnival)/modettes(white mice) / tribe called quest (check the rhyme & we got the jazz)/ Black Moon (props (shut up tim i like them)/ KRS1 (criminal minded) ....message from the dry cleaning association of america....
(b) madonna (into the groove)/ maybe kano? i forget/ a song from Fantastic Planet (le bracelet)/ Incredible Bongo Band (tom dooley)/Venus Gang (love to fly)/ Knight Rider theme (you bet your ass i "went there).

Chop chop. Ask ask. Etc etc.

Goody Goody Good God UPGRAYEDD!

Sigh. I have been looking for this &@#*&(#@ song (still cant find it btw), but i finally found out who did it. Its listed as GG, but it may or may not be Vince Montana (and/or his sextet). Whatever it is, its hot and i cant find it anywhere. Except on youtube, where it does me NO good.

Made Me Hot When I Found It!

Bonus! Another unfindable one!

72 Alvin Toffler Future Shock Doc!

Part I: Check out those masks! and watch this!

70 something. Much better than the 300+ page book. Watch Orson narrate (and wonder how many gallons of wine he ingested?)

So, was Toffler correct? And, um, how screwed are we huh?