Jackie Blue...is confusing

I was standing in the shower thinking....no, not about what makes a man (ha, sorry about that), about this song.

Im completely confused. Is said Jackie like, an idiot (a la Fox on the Run), a gal who thinks she knows whassup but doesnt (like, um, hmm, Girl You Need a Change of Mind) or a manipulateress (a la the girl who dumps billy joel in "the stranger" and um, Bianca Jagger in she's so cold?) Pre shower, I thought it was a song about a crazy gal, a la Angie Baby. Albeit a milder version. NO crazy gal song can outdo Angie Baby on the Ophelia Crazy angle. Now that im dried off, im confused again.

what the hell is in the Ozark Mountain Water?

Lyrics.

and where can i get some?

Note: I read somewhere (just now!) that they are a "countrified Steely Dan". Ive mentioned my feelings on "the Dan" and their weird ass creepy songs and how they typify, to me at least, the old bait and switch: you think its a harmless song, then you think about it after and are like, WHAT? Im thoroughly intrigued.

The Greatest Collection of Sounds Ever

Im Still Still Mad.

I can credit this economy for one thing: giving me lots of free time to do free things. Like critique Pitchfork (isnt that what you use to pick up horse doody anyway?) and their bad taste in videos. And substitute their bad taste with my own.

SO, i trod on and bring you some more of the great videos of your lifetime.

Take Me Home Tonight: Eddie Money

Ok, i can hear you scratching your head. I told you to get that stuff checked out, but you dont listen. Oh? Youre wondering why i chose this? Easy: BUILDUP. I mean, youre looking at his face and seeing her silhouette and well...you wanna see what she looks like dont you? Feel the tension! The whole grand indulgence of the whole thing. Oh and how she doesnt slip considering the whole "spit valve thing" on a saxaphone. I was a band nerd. Ugh. that floor was probably a mess.

Saxon: RIde Like the Wind

Such a lovely mexican prison! Leather couches! How CHIC! This video falls into the "so bad its good category". Never mind that a metal band made a song that was originally done by Christopher Cross WHIMPIER. That is a feat in and of itself. But the general "unattractiveness" of this whole slop makes it a total win.

This is exactly why i hate facebook.

Genius email like this.

Tim said on Facebook that you two are married. We need you to confirm that you are, in fact, married to Tim.

Im Still Mad and Im Posting More Videos

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Actually, minus that "scorned" part, b/c I really wasn't scorned by anyone. Rather, I just feel the need to point out some really glaring omissions to the best videos ever. Really.

KoKo Be Ware: Piledriver

Ok like Game over right? Can there possibly BE anything better than this video? No. Im not even going to list the many many many reasons this is the best thing ever created. And this includes sliced bread, antibiotics and bagels.

Once again, PFM BLOWS IT

NOTASTE PICKS THE BEST 100 VIDS

Does this online whateverthefuckitis EVER get things right? NAY. I seriously cant read that site too often b/c the cheneyface it gives me. Making "that face" too often can causes wrinkles; you know, from all the eyebrow furrowing, eye squinting and dry heaving. I will never understand why this site has been crowned some sort of authority on anything. So far the only thing Ive ever agreed with them on is, ironically, the inclusion of Small Town Boy in their list of good vids. Peachfuzz? REALLY? No. Bikes and hot boys make OK videos, not great ones. A-ha? Way to be creative. That shiteous California Tupac song? WTF?

So, here are MY choices for the best music vids. Vids that made mediocre songs good, or that made good songs great.

Van Halen: PANAMA.

why is it better than hot for teacher? That flying rig thing. Eddie blowing smoke rings in a tux. Party. Come ON! This looks like the Rock N Roll life I read about, minus the STDS and ODs. Plus, this song is soooooo good, except i suspect its really about Columbian marching powder as opposed to Panama.

GOF. PF picked Rio

Rio is as good as Hungry like the wolf. This is better than BOTH of them. Damn. I need to lie down. Why? Cos im apparently sexually attracted to a man in a headband.

Snoop & Dramatics and everyone else: Doggy Dog World

OH PLEASE, Nothing but a G Thing has NOTHING on this. COME ON. Really. Really now. I need to go punch something.

Will Powers: Adventures in Success

This ALONE proves that pitchfork doesnt know anything. NOTHING. Im not going to go into this whole record, but research it.

Tom Tom Club: Pleasure of love or genius of love (either l' do)

I posted POL b/c i havent seen this vid in a while. Its all very "hysterical blindness" isnt it? I wish the copy was clearer, but, what can you do folks.

Maiden. The Number of the Beast

There is NO need to explain why this is a great vid. In fact, the exclusion of this on PFs list makes me want to grab my flail and go to work in Chudford, so to speak. Actually run to the hills could work here too. Maybe even Wasted Years.

Metallica: One

Oh did this video FREAK ME THE HELL OUT as a kid. Johnny got his gun. Dayum. I really hate Metallica, but kudos for this vid.
Another omission that made my head shake violently. This may be the MOST depressing video on earth.

Party All The Time: EM and RJ

Was this included that list? I cant be assed to look. Who cares, it really is the best thing ever isnt it?

Steppin Out: Joe Jackson

Another No Brainer.

Pavement: Cut Your Hair

I really hate Pavement. But yet! I love this video. And b/c of it i know all the words to this song. And now i kinda like it. It may just be the only Pavement song that ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE. Heed his word, musicians. Chops a must.

Rodney: Rappin Rodney

Again, what the hell.

And now, the vids they wont let me embed:

White n Nerdy I dont think i can sit through this song in its entirety w/o cracking the hell up. Maybe its my jewish DNA, i dunno, but he cracks me up. And this beats even his old stuff. Which is kinda cool right? Lol, his ergonomic keyboard never leaves him bored. And the Star Wars Xmas special ALONE makes this a SERIOUS WIN.

Uh Heres Miami Beach for you!
Now this is a real shame. This video is, like, on par with STB as like, the uh, least heterosexual thing I ever did see.

Who Knew? The Wagon etc.

Who knew this even had a video, let alone a good one? One that plays by my rules. Claymation is as good as animation. No faces. Entertaining.

I used to looooooooove this band, and yes, everything else on SST.

Not this. I didnt like this song. In fact, Rollins RUINED Black Flag. RUINED.

Is that Kim Gordon on background vocals? Eugh. I hate this goddamn song. The vid is so lo rent though. B-.

I should publicly note that there are NO good dead milkmen songs up on youtube. No Nutrition. No Swordfish.