Movie Review: I Tried

It was an unintentional haiku- now its intentional

I tried to watch it.
I tried for six whole minutes.
I suggest you dont.

As promised, an hour something

Im not being anal about this one at all. Just felt like celebrating the magnificent sevens. As in 777. And no, not that crap record. These good ones.


balls in your face!

1. Whizz Kid: Mott the Hoople
2. Soul Love: David Bowie

ha ok..no more of that.

3. My Baby Must Be a Magician: The Marvellettes
4. Keepin On: The Sound Stylistics
5. Another one bites the dust: Queen
6. Hollywood Swingin’: Kool n the Gang
7. Youre Not Ready Yet: Chicken Lips
8. Don’t you want my love: Moodymann
9. For your love: Chilly
10. Space Funk: Manzel
11. I Like What Youre Doing To Me: Young n Company
12. Jump to the Beat: Stacy Lattisaw
13. Spank! Jimmy Bo Horne
14. Doin the Butt: EU
15. Bongo Rock: Incredible Bongo Band

777. WARNING: EXTRA TRACK! YOU LUCKY @&*@#(&*#
So there is NO excuse for this NOT being played at my funeral:


There’s Nothing in my dreams: Girls with Attitude

Many many years ago (!) there was a website called worstoftheworst that dealt solely in really terrible music. The site is long gone, but Girls with Attitude (only one song off their five song record!) lives on via an unlabled cd I found.

If anyone has “Gods Backhand” or “Two By Two (the noah’s arc song) PLEASE EMAIL ME THEM.
(PS. gods backhand

And as always, these records are all worth owning. You could spend your money on worse. Actually, if you paid taxes over the past eight years, you did!

Why the 86 Mets are the only Mets worth caring about

Oh who cares about Shea going the way of the cassette tape. Lets be honest: the mets & shea stadium havent been worth caring about since 1986. They were so "yin and yang"...great and totally horrible at the same time.

Get Metsmerized! And possibly traumatized!

at about .42 i start making up my own lyrics. Except when that talented man introduces Len Dykstra. And then by Tito Santana i cant even breathe b/c i busted a lung laughing.

chocolate strawberry: Because i had to.


Sigh, i have so many fond memories of the 86 mets- and a really cool Rodney Dangerfield pin of him in the uniform from 86 saying "No Respect!". This was the year my uncle got some magic hook up that allowed me and family to go to many many games at Shea and enjoy some sort of fun perks. This was, actually, the only year i even went to games: and it was a good year to go to say the least. No one in my (immediate) family gives a shit about sports, so the 86 Mets gave the fam a chance to hob nob with the cousins, have massive amounts of people over our house to watch the game (men downstairs: wives upstairs!), and, afforded me the unique opportunity to be completely embarrassed when i got the flu during a family night game and threw up in front of my cousin Adam. A fond memory.

But as I got older, the 86 Mets got better: I learned about the 86 MESS. B/c as a kid, Daryl & Doc were just players who yelled and were fun to watch... but they were real MESSES! And HOT messes at that. I like teams that make it interesting: and they sure did. It was like Slapshot met baseball. Except no one was as hot as Paul Newman (although I kinda did like Gary Carter but he was sorta boring).

the Scum bunch and the airplane after party

So. Adios Shea. Ill remember you the way I want to. Drunk, high and raising hell. And beating the red sox. : )

PS.

WHY ISNT THE LETS GO METS GO SONG UP on youtube? WHY? You know...the one that stars "weve got the team work, to make the dream work...lets go (lets go mets go). Were gonna make it this time, were gonna take it home, lets gooo (lets go mets go)

Daddy Wins!

Found this a loooong time ago in dad's record cabinet and never bothered to listen, until now.
Normally, orchestra records covering 60s standards are meh, but this one is actually quite good. The music is great actually. And with some yiddish humor thrown in (never on sunday should have been called never on saturday! OY!) this may be my favorite record of the moment.

And just in time for the high holidays. MAZEL!

Oh NO! NO NO NO

Sigh. Not that it wasn't expected (see my post on slapshot) but he was just so hot. Like SO hot. My mother is mourning over "hud" paul newman, whereas I am mourning over Reggie Dunlop. THE PAIN! The world has lost one really really REALLY good looking man. And talented, and nice, and philanthropy-ish. But sigh, so good looking.

Pat Field is shilling clothes on HSN

So naturally i made a tape of my records in honor. Its 35 minutes. WOW! Perfect for avoiding people on the ferry!

MUSIC

Because im a stickler (and a pain in the ass) also, and i expect you to be as well, and b/c everyone seems so fond of writing why they chose things:

1. Make the Road By Walking/Menahan Street Band
B/c i like it.

2. Good Times Bad Times/ Led Zep (3:01)
Because Danny Way skated to it in Virtual Reality.

3. Billion $ Babies/A (not anderson) cooper (5:45)
B/c i associate it with skating (Dogtown doc/Stacy P.) and b/c he was my favorite host of the Muppet Show.

4. the Stranger/BJ (9:18)
B/c i discovered that if you watch the Fatal attraction trailer while playing the beginning of the piano/whistle bit, the song kicks in at "if you ever come near my family, ill kill you" and I think that is REALLY cool. I also think there is a good amount of truth in this song.

5. Vehicle/Ides of March (14:16)
B/c the first time i heard this song Bo Bice sang it during "disco week" on Amer Idiot. And to remind people not to get into cars with strangers. Especially those that mention god.

6. track 10/the incredible bongo band (17:06)
B/c i dont have the name of it. Im lucky i made a copy of this before all my cds got stolen. The whole record is great anyway. You could spend your hard earned money on worse, you know.

7. DooDooDoo (heartbreaker): the Stones (21:18)
Like buying a gun! Foo! This song is another like "times are shitty" song and its pretty funky. And b/c Patty Hansen was from SI and her basketball playing nephew was one of the nicest/hottest kids in my high school.

8. Light My Fire: Young Holt Unlimited (21:41)
B/c im psyching myself up for the inevitable comeback of the Nines and Vampyros Lesbos and I seem to be going through some sort of phase.

9. Burning Spear: S.O.U.L (27:21)
B/c i have a bad copy of this and wanted to fade it out so i dont have to be annoyed. Also b/c my husband says all the time "They played this at robots, you know". Ed Note: It was Skin Tight. Not robots. I stand corrected by my better half.

10. Droge CX9: from Vampyros Lesbos. Their names are hard to spell. Dutch maybe. I dunno.
B/c college was fun and so you dont pester me about my halloween outfit.


Phew!
Its gonna rain all weekend. Expect more of these. Maybe longer than 35 min!

The Worst Musician in the world: Contender 1

Guy. Wrecks n Effect. Jane Child

What sort of untalented human being is responsible for this collection of, um COMPLETE TRASH?

Teddy Riley. I'd add a photo, but i dont want his face on my computer, mingling amongst my files. Gross. Im feeling nauseus already. Just from the Jane Child clip. I hated that song so much. And now that i know TR did it, i hate it even more. Im blind with rage. I need to... Chill.



HOLY SHIAT is this a BAD video. I mean the song is bad enough, but the video is completely SUB SUB PAR. And confusing. This is a sexy song? I mean, it gets me in my stomach ( every time they look in the camera I feel a heave come on), but id hardly qualify turning green as sexy. Actually, i should warn you: if this post seems a little disjointed its b/c im throwing up and writing at roughly the same time. Arent I talented?

I NEVER understood this kind of music. And i was in love when these songs came out. Like "stupid love"- and i STILL didnt get it. Its not even a real slow jam- unless its a "jam" for "slow" people, which this certainly qualifies as.

Mind you, "Let's chill" wasnt the song I was most inundated with (and therefore, the song that I hate the most). Oh so many other products of TR cupped my ears on a daily basis. At the pizza place. The bagel store. On Mtv. On radio. But despite the torturous innundation, one song manages to still make me immediately angry upon hearing it. Its a special song I guess.

Wrex n Whatever New Jack Swing

Ah, introduced to the co conspirators. Those (f)artists who, along with TR, ruined my appreciation of (then) modern R&B and simultaneously sampled every old record i liked thereby ruining it. Lets mire through the new jack swing sewer and shovel out a few, shall we?

Kool Mo Dee: I dont like him now, and i never liked him. FAIL.
Heavy D? UGH. Maybe that first song where he diddly diddly deed' or w/e but after that? GROAN.
Redhead Kingpin: Since when? I never considered him NJS and Id prefer it, Teddy Riley, if you didnt ever again. Just b/c you indulge in the cabbage patch in your video, does not make you NJS.
Al B Sure/Keith Sweat: Now here we have a problem. I had many a friend (ok, and me too) who thought Al B Sure was just, um, well...just great. He was up there with Shock G from Digital Underground for me. Please, dont laugh about the Shock G thing. Ok you can laugh b/c he is kinda fug huh? I blame it on the second side of sex packets. It came out when i was 13: and, um, well... Nevermind.

Anyashamed, keith Sweat's I want her" is actually a favorite of mine, and Al B was just hot. And these songs kinda work when the singer is hot. Teddy Riley is not hot. F-. Actually, he sucks so bad he gets a new letter: N. As in "not if you paid me a million", "not in a million years" or "not ever".

And as an FYI, I think the dude who screwed Teddy Riley out of his royalties/copyrights is in this video. And as another FYI: 1990 was the year of the sexually uncomfortable song: Hearts "All I want to do is make love to you" came out that year. Not a good year.

Next Exhibit?
Boom and Zoom and Barf, and the "lemonade was a popular drink and it still is" award for shit lyrics:


This makes me PISSED. First of all, is that "Any Love" they are sampling? How DARE THEY.

Second: "Come here to claim your award: heres a hint, its like a long sharp sword"... PARDON ME?

Sharp sword? Award? Wow. I cant think of anything that arouses me more than a man comparing his penis to a weapon used to chop off limbs and, ugh, eviscerate people. And second, what the hell did she do to deserve that? Thats an award? Whats punishment? (dumb question: the whole thing is punishment).

Third: i read that Pharell was partly responsible for this turd, but that doesnt really shock me since i dont like his stuff anyway. The real crime here is that shell shaped bathing suit. Id like to have a discussion with whoever dreamed up that winner. ANd yes, Id bring a bag of shells to beat some sense into them.

Fourth:
As if we needed to point out how unrealistic this cacka fiesta is: reed instruments are not good near salt water. So the cruel abuse of that instrument deserves to be noted. I've watched How Its Made: I know the pain, toil and crafstmanship needed to make one of those. In fact, I'd wager that sax is the most talented thing in that video. And its treated like shit.

The only positive thing i can say about this video is that at LEAST these dudes wore shorts, UNLIKE Hammers pumps in a bump. Because you know this is essentially the same video. And im not sure who that reflects on worse: Me (for knowing) or Hammer (for copying) or TR (for the original sin).

In case this all wasnt enough to make you lose your luncH;

wiki: Link to all the terrible TERRIBLE music NJS is related to.
Jane Child. New Kids. Tone Tone Tone. Color Me Badd. Enjoy kids.
New Jack Swing: Shitstory

Birthday Post!

my wish?
snake mountain
some sexy soft serve carvel (no nuts). Actually a black and white ice cream soda from carvel.
A ban on short sales
My taxation of intellectual property book to finally come in so i can read it.
& that you all have a good day today.

How giving! how adult! How booooooooooooooooooooring.

Lookwell! Lookwell!

It was Adam West's 80 ish ith birthday the other day. In honor, here is his BEST work. LOOKWELL!

1968 vs 2008: Which was worse?

Wow. Here I was, thinking that 1968 was the most upsetting year in modern world history. So far folks, 2008 is gunning a CLOSE second! WOW! That is just tops. Except this time the music isnt as good. Of course.

Since we are all well versed with the agony of 08, lets get a refresher on the agony of 6-8 shall we?

A broad list of crappy things that happened in 68:

Prague Spring
Chicago DNC Riots
Tet Offensive
1968 Mexico Olympics
Note: a really interesting read. Mexico in 68 was as messed up as USA in 68. I just posted the bit on the riots, but the 68 summer olympics in mexico were a real mess. And not even a hot mess. Just a mess.
The Paris Riots; C'est Failure!
Orangeburg South Carolina
Not a good year for El Al: (hijack to algiers, shooting at desk etc etc). In fact, not a good year for Lebanon either.

Oh there are TONS more. I havent even got round to the assassinations/natural disasters! Im just getting tired. And somewhat depressed! Enjoy 08, at least its not 68.

The Greatest Movie Ever Made Besides Cant Stop the Music

Puff The Magic Dragon. The Original. In its entirety.



If you dont like this movie, you need um... well you need something. I just cant give it to you. In fact, I dont want to give you anything. You are a mean person completely devoid of empathy and a soul if you cant get into Puff the Magic Dragon. You should be ashamed of yourself. Im ashamed of you enough for both of us.

Um but yeah, enjoy!

2:28 AM Movie Haiku

Jess Franco's Vampyros Lesbos. Just in time for DJ Franco's new VMPL night. How timely! AND say hello to this years halloween outfit. Wig and a long red scarf. Some hippie clothes (mom's old outfits: check!). Rachel from Blade Runner just got kicked to the curb. Oh and so did the young girl from Grey Gardens. Sorry, M, but i cant wear a dress on my head outside.



The Soundtrack is great
But the movie made me think
"maybelline great lash"

or

Turkish or German?
Who is the man with the stache?
that blonde girl is fug!

PS. Here are the Beales of Grey Gardens. 2 cousins of Jackie O who were BATSHIAT crazy and lived in a dilapidated house in the Hamptons called....wait for it....Grey Gardens. This doc is CRAAAAYZEEE!

Trailer.


Little Edie in ACTION! Yes, that IS a bath towel on her head. That outfit is MILD in comparison to the others she sports in this flick.

Songs about rain.

Dorothy Morrisson, Rain.
Do yourselves a favor, just listen and dont watch the vid. Just listen to it. B/c its a great song.

I LOVE this song. I LOST this song. Its on the dead ipod. I cry tears like....the RAIN! I cant find it anywhere.

Eddie Kendricks: Date with the rain.

Sigh... I looove this song too. Every time it rains i think of this song. EVERY TIME it rains. I like songs about weather and seasons. Especially rain. I guess its from my extended stays in England.

The Rain: the faaabulous dramatics

Have you noticed yet that EVERY song begins with....rain? Is that really necessary? Probably not. But ill give these cats a pass b/c the songs are so good.

Im sorry, but i keep thinking of Spring Love. You know that song. One of the bad by products of knowing a lot about music is that I know about stupid songs like, well, Spring Love. I think there may be a lot of water metaphors in that song, hence the mental connection.

Heres Stormy by the Classics IV.

This is another band whose songs all kinda sound the same but are good so i ignore it. Really terrible name tho.

BONUS!
you LUCKY LUCKY PEOPLE. Enjoy this weirdo. Hear that? Im patting myself on the back. (insert joke about her not being able to pat her own here).
Sorry for the Non Sequitur in the rain post...but this was too good not to post.

This has GOT to be one of the weirdest songs I ever did hear. I just love it. Im smiling from ear to ear. The car! They had to get a NEW CAR! She had to have 20 people carry the casket! The AGONY! Now THIS is gospel i can get into.

Sorry, 1990!

I really should think before I write.
I totally slipped and forgot that this MASTERPIECE was created in 1990.

Midi, Maxi and Efti: Bad Bad Boys

"Hi Its me...if you know what I mean". LOVE IT.

Why will no one will let me embed it!?! I want this as my ringtone! My alarm clock! I want to bathe in it! Which is the one with the 'stache? I bet its Efti. Thats why she's last. The middle one is my favorite: her lyrics are the best. And by best I mean not the best.

This song is as catchy as it is confusing. It makes me laugh. At them of course, but, like who doesnt like to be happy? M3 want me to be positive! I feel positively giddy! So mission accomplished.

Dont Mess With My Toot Toot

Um... the dude from Creedence and the massacre of a thousand crayfish.


Dont pity the crayfish/crawfish/crawdads too bad. B/c they only had to suffer a little in comparison to the rest of us. I'd rather be dropped in a vat of boiling water than listen to this. They presumably had a good life prior to their engagement with Dan Folgelturd , eating the leftover junk at the bottom of the water (read: the fish poop), shuffling around with the sand between their gross segmented underbellies like worms- doing what ever it is that crayfish do when they arent being eaten. I dunno: would never eat em, so im not a "crayfish affishianado" (BAHZING!). As animals they are cool, but as food? NO THANK YOU. I cant help but feel they (shellfish) are really just giant roaches of the sea. Who, in this video, had the chance to commingle with the giant dancing roaches of the land.

Circle of life. Lovely.

7 years.

I like to watch this. The irony isnt lost on me.

1990: the worst year in hip hop

This post started out as an ode to the Hadron Collider and why i dont care about people whining about them black holes the things may cause. As i looked through these internets, I came to realize something.

1990 was one AWFUL-ASS year in hip hop. P-U. Really.

Awful 1990 Video: LL Cool J: The Boomin System.


Bad video. Nay, TERRIBLE video. Video games and road warrior in a song about a car stereo? Methinks this "plot" was LL's attempt to get some chicks into the outfits from the "walk the dinosaur" video. As if ANYONE would want to resurrect that.

Despite the bottom feeding video, the song itself is pretty good. Really good in light of the fact that it came out in 1990. Ill go down swinging saying that 1990 was the WORST year of hip hop: the year Cant Couch This, Ice x 2 baby and MSKYO were hits. The year I heard hip hop at my junior high school dance. The year Rap met Chess King. The year everyone who was once good rushed out to make a record that was complete shit. The year Yo Mtv raps became awful.

Aside from a few notable exceptions of course 1990 was LE PITS. I can hear you grumble about the good records of 90. That one you are thinking of is good, but can we really think highly of the year puffy became an intern? The year SnP released "lets talk about sex"? The year that Slick Rick done fucked up?

I cant. Maybe you can.

All this and WW2

WTF. Im speechless (or, erm, writeless). Who greenlit this? What IS this? Did they immediately fire the person who thought this would be a "great idea"?

And here, I thought the biggest affront to the beatles was Michael Jackson owning the catalog. Or the Bee Gee/Frampton Sgt Pepper fiasco. But then... I found this gem. No wonder no one ever talks about this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_This_and_World_War_II

Im wondering here: what beatles song gets mixed up with the concentration camp/hitler footage? Again, who thought this was a good idea?

Oh Helen!

Helen Reddy. I love Helen Reddy.

She's the gift that keeps on giving; i keep finding good songs by her. Not that any of them will be better than angie baby. Or better than the video for Angie Baby.

Yes, I know ive posted it before, BUT if there is anything worth posting 2x its this. Did she kill him? What happened? Does she keep him in her closet? Is the moral of this song "its better to be batshiat crazy b/c you can do anything you want?"

yup.

And thats why i like Helen Reddy. Who else would record THIS AND I am woman? She may be my favorite Australian despite being from Melbourne. She's jewish. She was a total babe. AND here is some cool wiki trivia: Cher was offered BOTH AB and The Night the Lights went out in GA: two of the best "creepy girl" songs ever penned. And she chose Dark Lady? WHAAAT?

Also, the man who wrote AB wrote the songs for the Muppet Babies.

You know, I REALLY liked NOT knowing that.

Punk Rock Friday

Lets Laugh.

"they never use toothpaste...but they've got 2.50 to go and see the Clash. Tonight." This reminds me of a "clothing party" i was at where everyone had homeless teeth and 300$ outfits on.

I love the clash, but i love toothpaste more. Actually id buy a travel size paste and srounge for the remainder. Cant meet the boys w/o fresh breath.

Is there anything better than this song? No. It was perfect to begin with, and then they added it to Whiskey (a snowboarding flick you should get) and it became ULTRA perfect.

Another 10 punk rock record.

Fat ass bouncers kick the shit out of kids who try to dance...Oh how i love this band. This song. Everything. Its so perfect. Its so mean, but its dead on.

Motorhead: Iron Fist

Weee! I love motorhead. I also love how i typed in Iron Fish by accident and the song still came up. Yay for everything. Especially Motorhead.

The Pop Group: Shes Beyond Good & Evil

Sorry. I always get shit for loving this song. But I do. Its like punk rock love song. And that guitar. I like that guitar. On the minus side, its got stuuuupid lyrics. But who cares. I sure dont- as long as it doesnt mention a vegetable, im good.

My high school love- X Ray Spex. Loralogic. Poly. Damn girls!

Germ Free...another record you should really have if you dont.

I still love this band. I miss my jacket with the gigantic xrs tshirt that i cut out and sewed on it. im old. WAAAAAHH!
PS. I sill have my Riot grrrrl news letter. Embarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrassing! Im pro boy! I cant stand the whole riot grrrl thing. Never dug it.

Help me find this &@*#&(@# song please

Carrie Nations: Come with the gentle people.

Probably one of the best "mix openers" in my opinion. I really really want it. As bad as I want Snake Mountain. And i cant find it! ( I found snake mountain). I know it exists b/c i heard it ad nauseum at the 9s. WOES ME! It hurts! Maybe you have it?

Links of Learn! Links of Learn!

Codex Seraphinianus
Art for arts sake? Totally. But whatever. Im into it. Could never dream of affording a copy of the book itself, but would pick up a poster of the cover in a heartbeat. A book with a fake language about a fake world by an italian architect or madman. Probably both.



Voynich Manuscript
What I assume is the original codex serapwhatever. No such thing as a new idea, reader! A book that no one can figure out.



How it works: Dark Matter
Dun dun dun! Dark matter. I sweat dark matter pretty hard. It proves that we dont know anything. Its existence is like a gigantic reflection of our hubris; a celestial HA HA if you will.

Ok, lets dumb it down a little.



The Dazzler! Roller skating hero or lame example of cross marketing? Ever wondered what a roller skating, light throwing, extra X Men rock chick co sponsored by Casablanca records would be like if they bothered to create such a lame idea/character? No? Marvel did. Lucky us.

I told you i was going to dumb it down.

Non Sequitur Post: NYC Photos

Because I learned myself how to upload photos from my phone to this here blog thing.

Here is NYC in all its glory. Ill add as I find them.

The biggest breasts on broadway. This mannequin is in some hoochie 2.99 clothing shop on Bway. Her breasts are really something huh. Stopped me dead in my tracks.


Here is some graffiti. Rod Stewart is spelled wrong but i think the author made his point despite the error.

Laborious Labor Day Weekend!

Good news reader! My husband seems to have some sort of infectious sinus flu! On Labor Day no less.

So Nurse Nancy is on duty. All day. And presumably all night. Again. And what is a homebound caretaker to do all day?

Why clean and make music and improve herself of course.

So here is round 1. Music to clean a kitchen by! All songs are in my cleaning arsenal.

To get me in the mood while my coffee brews.

A good song for arranging the spice rack and coffee center in the kitchen. Yes I have a "coffee center". I told you i like coffee.
Also usually gets me throwing out things in the fridge and cleaning countertop, microwave etc.

uh oh. dish time. Pause to reflect on how i hate not having a dishwasher.


Oh no. The floor. Bane of my existence. Grout. Awful. Hands and knees time!




Relax. Drink coffee. Water plants. Countertops.


Reflect on a job adequately done. Remember you taped mad men last night. Realize you have other rooms in the place that should be cleaned up too.

Say "screw it" for now and watch Don Draper instead.